As a mixed-race young woman, I have always been accepted by both sides of my family; however, the feeling of not fitting in society has always been there. Having fair skin but being of mixed race leaves me with a constant struggle with my identity. Growing up, I never really understood what it meant to be of mixed race. I always just thought my mum was white, my dad was black, and I was white. I didn't realise that I identified as both black and white until my parents spoke to me about it. At first, I was so confused about how I was black or how being black had anything to do with my identity. It was and has always been confusing to me...
Being an aspiring actress, I always keep an eye out for open casting calls. Once I was sent a casting call for a role that had the requirement of a "teen mixed race girl," and so I therefore applied. I was then sent back the application with the message, "Please make sure that the applicant is mixed race as she is daughter of a black father." I know I don’t fit the "mixed-race girl" stereotype; however, whether I am white passing or not, I am still a mixed-race girl, and no matter what my skin colour is, that doesn't change. I explained this to my auntie, and she replied with "ask them to show you a mixed-race girl," and it made me realise there is such a lack of representation for the different types of mixed-race / black girls in the media and on television.
While going through high school, I never really felt comfortable in my own skin; it was such an odd feeling, as I knew this was something I couldn’t change. Being viewed only as white almost leaves me with the feeling of not being fully complete. I am so proud of my black heritage, and I wish people could see me as being both races instead of one. One of the main things that has always bothered me is people's ignorance on the matter. I have been in many situations where people have made racist comments towards black people, and when I addressed it by saying I am mixed race, they said they "didn’t mean it as any offence to me." Yet, how can they not? Black is and will always be part of my identity, whether it is visually visible or not. Another thing is when you challenge racists and they tell you, "You aren’t even black."
I feel like it is easier for most people to think I am just Caucasian, as it seems less complicated, yet that is not me; I am genetically just as much black as I am white. I have always felt a need to tell people I am mixed, as it is such a big part of me that I feel I cannot express it. With both races, it is hard, as with the black side of my family, I feel as though I am not the same as them, and that’s not because of how I have been made to feel; as I said previously, my family has always made me feel comfortable and helped me embrace my culture, but that's how I feel in myself.
a reminder to be proud and embrace who you are, as you are beautiful! AAJ xx
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